Nov. 10, 2020

Maintaining a Thriving Marriage While Growing a Business and Raising a Family with Theresa and Owen Video

#010 - The demanding work of growing your own business and raising children can often leave marriage priorities in the back seat. Yet, having a strong mutual relationship with your spouse is vital to both family and business success.

In this episode, Theresa and Owen Video share how they keep a thriving marriage while building their business together and parenting their children.

Get show notes, links, transcription, and more at:

https://www.workinghomeparents.com/10

Connect with Theresa and Owen at:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/myfamilyvideo/

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@owenvideo?lang=en

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC5Alv3DDd_otfn2cdaGNTuw?sub_confirmation=1

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC8bX-RwDyIcKQjYv_DDdngw?sub_confirmation=1

Website: https://thevideomarketingschool.com/

Support the show (https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=4WZ2HN5E8EA8W&source=url)


Transcript

Owen Hemsath:

You are not a victim of American capitalism, you know what you are is a victim of other people telling you how your day should be focus on your family and your lifestyle, build the lifestyle you want to live. In our case, it comes down to I'm gonna spend less time working on XYZ and more time with the family. Because if I got hit by a bus tomorrow, I wouldn't be like, Oh, I wish I spent more time working.

Theresa Hemsath:

I think we're used to the schedule prior to this rule that we're living in where you go to school between these hours, you work between these hours, and then you do this, you did that. But it doesn't have to be that anymore. You know, with us working and having a business from home, and then having the kids at home. Like I know, school is traditionally between 730 in the morning and 230 in the afternoon, but we're gonna we're gonna do it differently.

Daniel Norton:

That clip you just heard was from Theresa and Owen hem set, better known as Teresa and Owen video. Together, they run a video marketing business where they help people grow successful YouTube channels. They also have some really fun family friendly skit content on Tick Tock and Instagram, we're going to talk about that. But in today's episode, we dive deep into how to maintain a strong marriage while growing a business and raising a family. So much to talk about in this episode, we are gonna jump right into it. So cue the intro. Welcome

Bumper:

to working home parents helping you find stability between client calls, and potty training. Because we're all figuring this out as we go. And now your hosts Amanda and Dan Norton.

Amanda Norton:

Hi, Teresa, and oh, and welcome to working home parents podcast. Thanks so much for joining us today.

Owen Hemsath:

So yeah, super glad to be here. So

Unknown:

good to be

Owen Hemsath:

off. We're really happy to be here. And we praise the Lord for programs like this. Why? No intros you guys in the in the beginning in the introduction. But I'm so excited to be able to have you both Owen, you've been a mentor, friend, to me as a guide. Not only just in business, but as a father husband, a man, a fellow follower of Christ. Yeah. So over over the years, I mean, it's crazy how fast all this gone. It's, it's I know, it seems like for a long time, and we have we've gone through like your business, we've gone through marriage, we've gone through just walking with the Lord together. And, you know, it's I'll tell you this, as far as the podcast is concerned, it's about time. You know, I was so glad to see you guys putting together producing this show. Because it's a, it's a good show. And it needs to be out there. But also because, you know, just seeing where you've come from, like watching how you've sort of grown in the community and develop the reputation for yourself. Like, it's it's time for you to do your own thing. And not just be the guy holding someone else's camera, man. Yeah, that's and that's what was exciting about being able to do this. We have parent pacifier, we're relaunching things there and doing some video work there. But it's so fun as a couple to be able to do these kind of interviews and talk to other parents and have just a conversational flow and it's exciting like that and to hear others who are encouraged by this as well is is really exciting and like we said we're really excited to be able to have you on today because of you both operate and run a business from home. Both parents have multiple children and you know being married and doing all this under the same roof. We have one kid and it's already crazy. I can't imagine having multiple and trying to figure out one kid right like Amanda Come on like a lower cut something or other here's the thing when you have a second child you now can leave the kids alone for like a little bit of time. They can play with each other and then learn these social skills you know what I mean? It's it's like I think so important for kids and we see a lot of couples your guys's age sort of doing the one kid thing for four or five years and that's great that's I'm not here to like you know criticize that or whatever but and I'm talking to you Willie I know you're listening to this right now. It's time for you guys have a second baby you know because then that means five and you have a new baby and and the plate like the peer pneus isn't there you know we had our kids back to back to back and I wouldn't even we only one of our pregnancies was planned. And and even that was different cuz we we actually had a miscarriage first. And it took us a while to like want to re engage in that type of I mean, it felt like a risk. Yeah, that time I want my heart broken again. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Like what if we're never supposed To have kids, you know, and whatnot, but, you know, all of our kids came pretty much back to back to back. And they're all in the same peer group, which means when, when they go over to the neighbor's house, they can all go to the neighbor's house, you know, and they're, they're all within the same sort of cartoon range and, and, and toy range and makes Christmas cheaper, you know, types of things, but it's just one of the things that we I think, stumbled upon. I came from a family of five kids, and we were all close in age. And you know, I preferred that I think that that I would prefer that as well. When we

Theresa Hemsath:

got married. I actually, when we got married, I already had a son. So he was an instant stepdad. Yeah. And I remember, he looked at me and said, I want to have 10 kids. Yeah. And I looked at them. And I go, let's just see how you do with this first one. Yeah. We'll talk about it.

Owen Hemsath:

But I was like, I want to have my own kid. Thank you very much. I know.

Theresa Hemsath:

And he's like, you know, maybe 10 would be a lot. Yeah, it's

Owen Hemsath:

true. I did, I did go into marriage wanting 10 kids, I wanted a bunch of kids. And I wanted to be that guy. I wanted to be that family. I wanted to have like a mega van. You know, but I also wanted to be sort of like, the family like the big family that didn't have hand me down clothes, right. Like I knew big families growing up and and it was like, they were always sort of poor. They had a poor ness to that, you know, like, hand me down clothes, oversized clothes, the youngest always had, like, you know, crumbs on his face, the van was destroyed. And I was like, you know, I love big families. But I would love to be a big family that that isn't like that, you know, that has you know that that we're all the food gets taken out of the car? Every time we are. And you know, yeah, Jays go on an adventure. They're good friends of ours. They've got a bunch of kids. And I feel like they do it really well. And but as we as I got into, like, two, three kids, I was like, you know, like, I'm exhausted. So we decided to actually stop at three. And we took that in prayer. And we just asked God like, hey, God, like, Is it okay with you? If we stop at three? And we wouldn't care? We really didn't hear anything back. You know, we searched the scriptures like we were looking and like looking for that thing as thou shalt be okay with three kids. I don't know what we were looking for.

Theresa Hemsath:

Clarity there. The reason why one of the big reasons wasn't really because this is tiring. It was because I'd actually have three c sections. Yeah, at this. And each c section was more difficult surgery, the recovery was getting harder by the third one I was there.

Amanda Norton:

Now you're making me not want another one because I had a C section. So

Theresa Hemsath:

just story because it God is so good. So um, you know, we wanted a girl, we were at three boys. But after the third c section being so hard, it was like, Well, you know, I got to be a good steward of my body. Like, yes, we're supposed to be fruitful and multiply. But like, if there's no mama there to help raise the kids, like, you know, what should we do? So we decided to have one have a discectomy. And, you know, we just like, well, I guess it's not gonna have our girl maybe one day we'll adopt or something like that. And six months later,

Owen Hemsath:

we got a little girl. Yeah, yeah, she's in here right now disobeying. She's our joy, she she brings a pink to a very blue family and it is so wonderful. And it makes us realize how you know, important our children are and how important gender is, you know, there there is a very clear biological difference born

Theresa Hemsath:

very feminine. And

Owen Hemsath:

yeah. You know, it gives us a good sense of mission and purpose in raising our kids and raising them to be who they were born to be not, you know, what we intend for them to be or what we could turn them into to get, you know, more prestige from certain circles, like, you know, we being a parent is, is being a general in an army and every day, you know, you got to prepare them for battle. And, and the hardest part is, is that you can't ever tell them it's a battle. It's like that movie. Life is beautiful. We came back I said 20 year old movie, but really phenomenal piece where the guy was a Jew and he was him. He was shepherding his child through Nazi internment camps. And he made it seem like a game to his kid the entire way. And that's even though they were in this horrible scenario, and that's sort of like parenting, it's like you're you are in battle with your kids but you have to make them feel like every day is a journey into the imaginary world of make believe and, and that's a delicate balance and I think something that parents need to be trained in because we we tend to wake up and and and read the Twitter feeds and then take that energy into our morning with our kids. And then when the kids come home, we're you know, scroll or have our day and we're kind of now going through the negativity of our day like we have to be able to take off your dad hat, put on your Mr. Rogers shoes and and make the leave with your kids. You know To give them that childhood experience, and so we, we try to do that as often as we can. Yeah, that's something that comes up a lot with it with what the conversations we have is just the intentionality that you need to have, with, with doing things with leading with spending time and actually having fun, because it's so easy, especially when you're working at home to be so focused on all the things that you need to get done. Yeah, and all the things that need to happen that are important. But having fun with your kids, and leading your kids is all equally as important. And it's harder when they're younger, you know, like, um, you know, when they're still sort of in diapers, I mean, it's fun to get on the ground, and sort of like, you know, jiggle the bellies a little bit, but like, as an adult, it gets old pretty quick. And so you have to find, Yes, true, you know, you know, like, my sister just had a baby, and he's beautiful, and he's gorgeous, and, and, and whatnot. But I'm not like, Oh, can I hold him for an hour, like, that's not me, but she's more like that, when it's your own kid. You know, it's for me, it gets a little bit harder. And so you have to kind of find ways to to stimulate your own mind while playing a game with them. As they get older, my boys are older now. And so they can play catch, and, and they can play football with me, you know, they're, they're in the upper realms of elementary school. And that's a wonderful age to be at. But when they were younger, I had to really get creative, because it's easy to put them in front of like Dora the Explorer, and let them veg out on TV, we did not want to raise our kids that way we wanted our kids to like not even know what TV was until, you know, it was actually a cancer that we started putting them in front of Sesame Street every day. And because I just didn't have the energy for it.

Theresa Hemsath:

I mean, at that time, I was teaching full time. Yeah, I wasn't in the business yet. So he was the one who was getting the kids up getting ready, you know, for you know, for the day taking them to daycare or to school, depending on where they were at. Yeah.

Owen Hemsath:

And then I would go to chemo and then I would go to chemo for like four hours and then come back home, you know, sick as a dog, and you got to continue to, to play. So you know, little games that we would play for example was I would take Lego Lego characters and hide them throughout the house, right. And so the whole idea was you got to come home and I'll do hot, warm cold while you're trying to find your your your Lego guys. And that became this big thing that we actually would, would take out. And this is a great way to actually keep your kids in line at the store to like, we went to IKEA and I did the same thing. I took the Lego guys. and hang on Benjamin, please leave the room. It's amazing to me, like they don't want our attention until we get on a podcast.

Theresa Hemsath:

interesting how that interrupted like yesterday, I was on a team call. And my older son comes in and he's like, I have something really important. I'm like, I'm on a team call right now. Like it can wait. He's like, yes, but I have my list of Halloween costumes. And I really think about like, priorities.

Owen Hemsath:

Well, that's the importance of their world, right for those things, that's really big deal in their world. And that's how you know, you're a good parent, you know, like, when the most important thing to your child right now is like your approval on a Halloween costume. You know, you're I think that you're on the road to good parenting, you know, because they want your approval, I mean it, they want your approval, and they you you matter to them where, you know, when I was a kid I didn't have the the kinds of parents that I think we are in fact that's been a big motivator for me is to not be like my parents. And and that's, you know, that's not to say I'm not trying to knock my parents like, my dad is a great dad, I think that he had a very challenging marriage as a kid, you don't understand that. My mom has since become estranged from the family, she's a prescription drug addict, living somewhere on somebody's couch somewhere in the country. You know, and and so that's what her thing was. And my goal was always to get things past my parents, like, I didn't want their approval, I didn't need their approval. And yet inside, you're actually dying for it. You know what I mean? You don't realize until you're older, but the fact that they want our approval, you know, and they want us to be involved in things I think tells me that we're doing a pretty, pretty good job. So, you know, playing games with your kids and get creative, you know, is that's kind of our point. And it can be as simple as just hiding Lego figures, you know, somewhere in the store, you know, I'd walk into the store. And as soon as we walked into the store, I'll put a Lego figure behind something I you know, no one's gonna find it. But then I just hot warm colder, and then their attention is is on that while mom is dealing with the salesperson and buying the couch. And, and and doing all those things. And you know what, they they still ask me to play that game. They don't realize it wouldn't be over them anymore, because they're older now. But they remember how they felt when we were playing it. Yeah, like how did those Lego figures get in the store? You know, they have no idea and so you know, as a parent, you have to think beyond your your day to day and think about the get into the mind of a child.

Amanda Norton:

I love that. Thank you for sharing that tip. I'm totally going to use that. When we bring Aiden back to the stores. We're still kind of hesitant I'm bringing him everywhere at this point. But uh I like to keep him entertained.

Theresa Hemsath:

That's, you know, just

Owen Hemsath:

yeah, just give them food and then you're conditioning them that if they act unsatisfied then food or, or phone, you know, like, I I don't believe I and we differ on this you know, I'll come home and I see my daughter on the phone and it's like, okay, one hour max and the no more phone for the day like she needs to go get her knees dirty, she needs to go dig in the in the dirt or and if she doesn't want to do that she can sit outside and pout, you know you have to as a parent, be willing to to hone your kids off of the electronics in order to encourage them to foster their own creativity. Yet, it's not up to you, the parent to make sure that your kids are happy in the paradise that they were born in. I tell them all to my mother, my wife all the time, stop selling them paradise like was, well we're having pumpkin pie tonight. Boom, boom. And she's like, Yeah, but it's yummy. And you loved it last, like stop selling them paradise. If they don't want my pie, they don't have to eat my pie. In fact, I think it's time for bed early tonight. You know, our

Theresa Hemsath:

dynamic our kids,

Owen Hemsath:

our kids as Americans, our kids are growing up in the most like luxurious period in all of human history. And sometimes you have to like kick your bird out of the nest and let them discover the beauty of the world on their own and they're going to kick rocks for the first couple of days they're going to say this sucks Give me the phone. I want this entertain me entertain me but after a while they're going to find a stick you know my Benjamin he'll find a stick and that stick becomes his best friend for two weeks really

Theresa Hemsath:

does it really does. But we know creativity really comes from problem solving. Right? Like that's what it's it's born from. So you have to have a problem first in order for any creativity to happen so

Owen Hemsath:

now my James is more likely to lead a rebellion against the parents like he's more likely like to come back in with like a Rambo thing on his head and you know, with it with that same stick and he's like Come on, guys, you know, all the neighborhood kids are shirtless, and, and and all that. But I'm sort of teasing he just might James is so imaginative. And I don't even want to disturb his playtime like he, he literally he'll come home and all the boys in the backyard will be playing some game that's half wrestling and half something else. But they're all having such a good time that you feel like disturbing, it would actually be to kind of like bring them out of Narnia. And it's just like, let's play. Yeah, we had a box sitting around here. That was the ugliest thing that got so destroyed for like three weeks or more maybe, and we felt bad throwing it out. But the thing got so destroyed, but he played with that for a long time. Yeah, you throw it out when it becomes a health hazard. You know, I one of the greatest things on you know, we have an Instagram channel called my family video. And it's where we upload our family skits and stuff. And we're really hoping to build that out and share that with the world. But one of the dad blogs I saw was, you know, one of the hardest parts about being a dad is deciding when to throw away a box, you know, and as a guy who keeps almost all the Amazon boxes, you know, I that's I totally get that. You know, that's it's still good box, you know, they still use it. Yeah, I'm the saver of the boxes and bags and everything like that. Yeah, me too.

Amanda Norton:

And then I secretly take it out on recycle night. And I just walked right past him. So he doesn't notice what I'm carrying. And I'm like, without

Owen Hemsath:

always be honest with your wife. It's like no, you selectively honest with your with yourself. You know, like, there are times when it's just like, just throw away the grocery bags, you know,

Theresa Hemsath:

he, he takes some of the things that he really wants me to throw out. But I don't want to throw out he'll say, I've got a really great place for it in this storage area. And since you're not using it, you know, but when you want it, you're welcome to you know, to go to go there and get it. And so then to help put it there and I'll say, Okay, that makes sense. And then six months later or a year later, I'll be like, what about that thing?

Unknown:

Where are those shoes and

Theresa Hemsath:

I'll go and it's it's nowhere in the storage, but it's been so long. It's like a bandaid was kind of ripped off. And it's

Owen Hemsath:

like I know it's a it's a weird, it's a withdrawal thing. It's like I came clean like two years ago I was like look, I'll be honest with you. I put it in a box in the garage. And if you don't for six months, it goes Salvation Army, you know? Yeah, that's that's you. I'm the saver of all the things and how that's flipped over. Yeah, totally. Oh,

Amanda Norton:

it is so funny. That is us. In all of the areas of our marriage, I don't like to shop he loves to shop. I don't take long in the bathroom. He takes long in the bathroom. So it's

Theresa Hemsath:

very flipped. Yeah,

Amanda Norton:

I'm the man he No kidding.

Owen Hemsath:

That's a healthy marriage.

Theresa Hemsath:

generalizations that we make on on, it comes at

Owen Hemsath:

personality types, you know, and like, one of the strongest things that we've done in our marriage was learning our personality types. And we've we've done marriage coaching, and we'll probably do it again, you know, marriage coaching is a very painful place to be right, because you are in someone else's marriage, and then you watch them, you give them, you know, this, this amazing advice, and they just don't do it. Because she said this first, or because he did that, and we had to get out of it. Because it was like, you know, people should do marriage coaching. It's like, well, you should work on your own dang marriage, you know what I mean? Like, read a book, dude, because it got so hard for us to watch people destroy their marriages, over the tiniest things like me, you know, meems Yeah, that

Unknown:

means

Owen Hemsath:

more a lack of communication, you know, they just wouldn't talk to each other about certain things and, and, and whatnot, but you

Theresa Hemsath:

go into what you go into it very excited, you know, we're gonna marry Yeah, we've got we've done, we've gone through so much, we think we can really be an asset to these couples. And, you know, you kind of vision them coming, and them sharing problems, and you enlightening with these techniques and the strategies and then going, Oh, my gosh, thank you so much. And they go home, and they use it, and then their marriage is awesome. And you made a difference in the world. Now, then, when you're in it, it's like you see their problem, it's so clearly obvious, you've given the solution, don't do it. I want it.

Owen Hemsath:

I don't like his blue shirts. You know, we want to be in a place where we are sort of creating content and then letting, letting the couples sort of engage in that content as as they will. That way we're not having to get in the muck, you got to understand the dynamics of a marriage and who your partner is, you know, like one thing that really helped us is the personality of the disc profile. And I know that there's a ton, so there's probably people out there going, Oh, I'm an anagram er, or whatever we'll go with that you go with whatever program you think is best for you. We like the disc profile for its simplicity. And with disc, you've got your di s&c, right. And so when you know that, like, I know that my wife is like an SI and so she's gonna need more details before taking action. I'm more of a DI so like, the more details you give me, the less likely I will take action. You know, I want to just like what's our objective and then go in a china shop kind of go when you know that you can start we're using that to your advantage. You know, like I thought that being the leader of the home meant that I had to manage like everything, like I had to kind of be in charge of the finances and, and she can do the cooking and the cleaning, you know, and that that's wrong, because neither one of us like cooking and cleaning, or for the most part, like we enjoy cooking to some degree, but you get what I'm saying domestic stuff that we hired a house cleaner, you know, and that has been wonderful for our marriage. Like, all I can afford a house cleaner. It's like okay, well go look at your beer bill. Right? Like, how would you bring on beer and pizza every month? Like I guarantee you you can find $200 to have a housecleaner come in. And here's what's wonderful for those because they hate housecleaning. My dad loves it. My dad loves to scrub and clean. And that was like a thing we did as kids. But like it is it was always, every Saturday, we wake up to A Hard Day's Night by The Beatles. It's been, it's been A Hard Day's Night, I still know every word of that song and he get up, it's clean day, it's clean. Do that. So I don't want to clean I don't want to waste my life cleaning. However, there are people that feed their family cleaning. So let's let them come in and clean because it feeds their family. For us. It's energizing, we'll take the family out to a park, we don't be spending money as we're already investing, you're gonna spend more money, but we got a football, we sit in our beach chairs, we bring a book, you know, the kids go play and, and for four hours, we come home to a completely clean couch and a house and then we watch popcorn. All of that comes from having conversations about who we are and what we like to do. So if you're in this marriage, where you feel like you have to do this, and you hate it, like you need to talk to your wife about that, or your spouse about that and talk about everything that you guys should be doing is energizing each other. Okay, you need to get on an energizing cycle, where the things that the husband does energizes the wife and the things that the wife does energizes the husband, and so that you guys are constantly just sort of like fueling each other. Most couples are on a drain or like what we call the crazy cycle. Right. And this is a term coined by the Dr. eggerichs of love and respect Academy. And and this is where like, you know, the husband is like, Hey, where's my dinner? And the wife responds, like, how dare you make your own dinner? Yeah, exactly. And she's, you know, draining the husband. He's draining. And this I think is like 90% of marriages. You have got to be building a marriage based on reality and biological and physiological facts. And when you do that, when you You can start energizing your wife and she is energizing you, you are going to find yourself in this marriage of power in this marriage where you still wake up every day looking at your wife, and you're passionately interested in making love to her, you know, like every day. And that's the place that we're in just 35 minutes ago, you know?

Unknown:

I'm here,

Owen Hemsath:

I'm telling you this hour. But look, I'm telling you this because I want you guys to know that that we have broken all the rules of like Psychology Today, right? And we have instead followed the rules laid out in in like the book of Proverbs and in in the book of like, First Corinthians, you know, when when we follow that system, we have a marriage that is inspiring. It is sexually fulfilling, physically fulfilling, deeply emotionally intimate. And we are on a cycle where we're continually fueling that, yes, we have problems. But we have things in place. We have strategies in place that that had to get us through it. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. So much good stuff there. Like. I mean, even just going back to what you were saying about hiring housecleaning, and for parents who work from home, whether you even whether you have your own business, or have a job, potentially considering that as something to spend money on that's worth it, and then being able to go out with your kids get you out of the house. Yeah, get you out of being under that same roof where everything takes place. Because that seems to be the continual big struggle is when everything is under the same roof. Yeah, where you change the diapers where you, you know, take care of your business calls, where you're making your food and all this stuff. It maybe instead of spending the money to go on an elaborate vacation, break down that money, going towards paying for a house cleaner and having these smaller outings that you could do because now you've got the available time for clean now, you don't need to do it every week, right? Like it could be. Yeah, and and even that might be a lot for some people, because I don't want you know, couples that aren't like not like we're swimming in the cash. We just, we don't buy beer and wine anymore. Yeah, like we there. We don't even really drink. Like if someone comes over with a bottle of wine that we may have a glass. But we don't spend our money on it. You know what I mean? We have talked about where we should invest our time assets and our money assets. And alcohol is not one of them anymore. It used to be but January 1 2020, we're like, you know what, let's be done with this. So that money we can spend on a house cleaner now. So what I'm saying is like for those of you guys that like Oh, I can't afford a house cleaner? First of all, yes, you can. You don't have to have someone clean your whole house. Like you could clean the whole house and have the house cleaner coming just to your bathrooms, right? Like some of the dirty stuff, right? Some of you don't want to do like there's all sorts of very you could have, you could clean your house and have somebody just come over and vacuum and do the sort of the detailed stuff, you got to get creative, you know, you got to start thinking about like, what's important to me and my family. And sometimes I'm this way, I know that you you and I sort of differences sometimes. I'm like, I don't care if the homework is done. Have we spent good time with our kids today? Or did our kids have good playtime today? Look, life is not something that is dictated to you, right? Like, we all work together as a society. And sometimes the school schedule works with mine. Sometimes the work schedule works with mine, when it doesn't, I'm in control, and I get to make the decisions on where I'm, you know, where I'm going to go,

Theresa Hemsath:

that makes me think a little bit about right now with all the kids a lot of kids schooling at home. Because of COVID and parents having to work a lot of them right and have to like, navigate homeschooling their kids. And we were you know, obviously with everyone else, especially back, you know, in March when the whole nation was in this place. And one of the things, there was two things that I discovered that really helped I think through that and maybe that'll help some of your listeners who are still in in in that place is one, um, my daughter that her teacher was giving her everything video base. Yeah, it was like, okay, watch this video of your teacher reading this book. And then watch this video of how to write the letter A she's, you know, doing pre k TK stuff. And then and then, you know, use this app to, to write the letter. And I was watching my daughter with this and it was not she was not learning at all. And so I decided at that point, I'm going to go and I'm going to go get a multiple subject workbook for her Yeah, that'll work with, you know, the skills that she's meaning to learn. And I'm going to tell this teacher I'm sorry, but we're not going to do these video based lessons. Yeah, I said that. I said, Listen, it's not working for her view, this workbook that I got and I said, I will send you pictures of the work that she's doing so that you can see that she's learning, you know, these lessons and you know what the teacher was like, that's great, thank you. I appreciate that. I respect that. Yeah. And she even apologize, I apologize that we have to do everything on the computer. So that worked for us and and i was able and the other kids did fine on the computer was it was her cuz she she's still learning really the tiny tech, she needs a pencil in her hand. 100%

Owen Hemsath:

Learn how to you got to know as a parent, like what's best for your child, you've got to like, navigate some of that. And the only way to do that is is to take control of your time and to take control of your day. And that means eliminating hustle culture for your life. Hustle culture is an idol on and and it's it's designed by people that want you to be a worker for the rest of your life. You know what I mean? Like Hustle, Hustle, Hustle, right? You've got to be able to say look, I'm dude, all out hustle all of you guys right listening right now, like, so don't be like, Oh, this guy, this guy. I'll take you to the mat on hustle any day. But you know what, I hustle for my hustle hours. And after that, I'm dad like, I'm dad for two hours. And then I'm husband for a couple hours, you know, and then I also get every day I get me time I get to go escape a little bit I walk around the lake, I go play pinball at the arcade. With the other dads, there's like four other dads that go there to play pinball for an hour. But you know, there are 24 hours in a day mine is minus six hours for sleeping, maybe eight if you need eight. But that leaves you with like 16, you know, 14 to 16 hours and you've got an eight hour workday, that's eight more hours, that's eight more hours, two hours to be a dad and your kids will will remember you the rest of your life. You don't need to spend the other eight being a dead spin to on the ground. In the grass, throwing a ball with your kid, spend 90 minutes for yourself right spend the rest of the time as husband father cleaning up stuff and helping to make dinner and, and being attentive phone down phone in the other room. You know, that was your daddy, first of all, you're on your phone all day anyway, during hustle time, I know it, you know it. But during your Meantime, you're probably up in the Twitter feeds. And that's fine, too. You know, it's your time you know, but then the seven o'clock your phone's away, it's charging, we go back to our phones about an hour like an hour before bed. And and but we do it together. And we're going through memes and stuff. I we're just we're unwinding for the day. But my point is that there's plenty of hours in a day, you are not a victim of American capitalism, you know what you are as a victim of sort of other people telling you how your day should be right and focus on your family and your lifestyle, build the lifestyle you want to live. I learned last year that the life I want to live is not about how much money I make we live we've made good money and we continue to make money. But But I'm not motivated by the money as much anymore as I'm motivated by the quality of our life. And and so in our case, it comes down to I'm gonna spend less time working on XYZ and more time with the family. Because if I got hit by a bus tomorrow, I wouldn't be like, Oh, I wish I spent more time working. You know, right.

Theresa Hemsath:

I think what we've really learned through especially cope, I think really helped us is and I love what you mentioned about like, not letting other people dictate like your schedule, you know, we get I think we're used to the schedule prior to this rule that we're living in where you you go to school between these hours, you work between these hours, and then you do this, you did that, but it doesn't have to be that anymore. And so like, you know, with us working and having a business from home, and then having the kids at home, we we kind of realized this and I know school is traditionally between 730 in the morning and 230 in the afternoon, but we're going to we're going to do it differently. And so what we did was I would get a like a work session in and let the kids play. And you know, I'd have a little schedule out like you guys can do art and crafts and you can do you know, Legos, and then at like, 1030 I would take a break from work and then it's like okay, now we're going to do your school lesson. Yeah. And then they would get that done and then it'd be back to Okay, now you guys can go back and play and then I'm going to do another work session. So it was very like untraditional as far as when school was but it worked with our you know, worked with our family did

Owen Hemsath:

you were doing homework like in the evening, sometimes

Theresa Hemsath:

we would do that. As a matter of fact, one of my friends she's a full time teacher, so she had to teach so she's teaching lessons and the but she had a homeschooler kids. So she flipped the schedule completely. She She worked all day teaching her students while her her daughter's played. And then after school, when she was done then she switched to teaching her and going through her daughter's lessons. And sometimes you have to tell the teachers Listen, I know you know, you might have this at this time or whatever. But like that's just not going to work with our schedule with the way things are at and we're going to get our work done at this time and we'll make sure and turn it in. And you know, I'm gonna have

Owen Hemsath:

to take control Yeah, and like you're you're not in control. Like the teachers and the the The ministry leaders are not in control of your life, you do not have to work run to the dictates of their schedules. Now, that being said, you know, so now you get to say that I'm like, you know, you know, the stereotypes is like, they keep their kids in cages, you know, and they just read them all day long. You know, it's, it's not the case at all. In fact, our kids are very well rounded. They're, they're, they're very social. And, and it's because we've taught them how to or teaching them, you know, how to own themselves, you know, and to be responsible for themselves. And you know, James, James will lose his socks in his shoes. And it's like, yes, no, I'm sorry. It's not my problem. Like, I see these. Oh, my kid lost their shoes. Let me stop everything that I'm doing to help my child who is perfectly capable, find their own shoes. No way. No, hey, look, you don't have shoes, you don't get to go into the store with us, which means you don't get a candy bar, you know, might be you didn't play the game. You can't find your shoes, then you don't get to go to deacons house, you know, like these are these are not punishments, these are natural consequences. Right. And, and I think that, you know, so many parents like, because we could talk so long on discipline, like, discipline is important. We never punish, okay? punishment is for criminals, right? a punishment is like you rob a guy, you have to do you know, 90 days in jail, but those two are unrelated, right? Like you spending 90 days in jail does not remove this the crime from that guy or does not return his property, right. That's punishment, we don't punish our kids and no one should punish their kids punishment. Is is for the wicked, right? It's for it's for criminals. And adults, largely right. Like we discipline discipline means to teach to disciple. Right? And so when you discipline like, as a parent is very hard to do. It's a muscle, you know, you've got to ask yourself, like, does the discipline fit the crime? Right? So when the kid loses, choose, do I send him to his room? You know, yeah, sometimes I fly off the handle, like you lost your shoes. Again, you know, getting your room out of my face that happens. But you know, as the dad, I need to go in there and apologize, right? Hey, son, I shouldn't go to you for losing your shoes. You're a kid kid loose shoes. You know, hey, son, I shouldn't have sent you to your room that that was a punishment. And I taught you nothing from that, you know, you've got to be able to separate the punishment from the discipline, hey, you lost your shoes. Okay. Well, you know, number one, now you got to find your shoes, right? So I need you to stop the video games, the TV, the homework, whatever you're doing, go find your shoes, but your natural consequences. And that's the discipline and it teaches them that it's their responsibility. When you as the parent drop what you're doing to find your kids booties, you are new, you are teaching them that they are not responsible for themselves, and somebody will always take care of them. And when they become adults. Yeah, you're looking at a kid who is going to live in your basement tell you they'll tell they're 30 you know what I mean? And that's the thing that a lot, right, we are seeing that I'll call failure to launch right? And it's a shame because here are these young adults with so much talent so much potential, it could be the next Martin Luther King could be the guy who develops the cure for cancer, but because the parents did everything for them, they are stuck in the basement playing fortnight with no skills to contribute to society. And it's unfortunate, we want parents to rise up and like really, like understand we are raising the next generation so we want to see parents rise up and really take responsibility for that huge and exciting role.

Theresa Hemsath:

And that's why we love what you guys are doing here because this is part of like you know, what we love seeing his you know, people coming out and making content that couraging that's helpful to others so that we can you know, we can all come together and I think have a renaissance in family values. Right?

Owen Hemsath:

You know, we're passionate about this mission of being parents and being parents is a mission it is not Han Solo it is not a solo job. Like you've got to be a team not with just your spouse and your kids. But you know with the neighborhood kids as well like you know, like hey, these are your allies These are not the others these are not these are the people that we like can we bring them into our home? Can we share dinner with them? Like how do we align ourselves with with our neighbors and it's very important that your family has a team atmosphere your family name should be up on the walls in multiple places in your house that you should have like a Bill of Rights sort of thing for your bill of rights wrong word like a like a what we stand for Yeah, vision like we talked like in statement admissions image the head passer leaders, you know so when our kids get into like situations it's like well, it sounds like you were sort of following the bad kid the bad example instead of leading a follower yeah and Hemsaths are leaders and so when Hemsaths lead Hemsaths succeed so we need to we ingrain that in our kids and so they'll know Hemsaths are excellent readers Hemsaths know how to speak right communicators like and these are unique to our family. Right. So Like not not all people are as verbose as we are, and that's fine. Some people are more artistic. And it's like so it's like the the Nortons are artists, right? Or the the Andersons pray together, you know, whatever it is that your family does, like you've got to like, have it up and reinforce it over and over and over again so that your kids have a sense of identity that they can rely on even if all of this comes crashing down around us and we live in Rubble, like the survivors of world war two living in broken down bombed apart homes. Like that's a different scenario. But you can still Hemsaths are still leaders in that situation. Hemsaths are still readers in that situation. You know what I mean? Your identity will carry you through anything, even if this whole thing falls apart. so powerful. Yeah, I'm I don't know what else to say. They're not your best episode. I'm out.

Amanda Norton:

Teresa, can you tell us about when you joined the brand and everything? Sure. Yeah,

Theresa Hemsath:

it was 2017. And it's interesting, because prior to that year was like, about two years prior to that. I was in a slump with teaching. And I and I, you know, we had all these kids and I wanted to be home with them. And here I was having to leave at 630 in the morning to go commute to another county to go teach somebody else's kids. And I remember crying I one morning on my way to work, just Lord God, when can you bring me home? Can you please just like, give me a pink slip? Can you fire me like something like, I just want to come home. And I have done it many, many times. But on this particular day, I was still remember I was at like, pulled up at the stop sign. And I felt a very despair just so straight into my head. I can't explain it any, any other way. But it was it was a clear statement that you will, you will one day come home but you're not now. There's things that you and Owen still need to learn. And then when you when you've learned that, then I'll bring you home. And when I decided that that day, I'm like, Okay, now that I know that I can that I will just not now I'm going to be the best teacher that I've ever been. And I'm going to love my job again. And I'm going to be I'm going to do the best that I can i did i still actually back in love with teaching. I did the I mean, I had some of the best years of my life teaching those last couple of years. During that time I one got cancer. And, and my health insurance at that time really helped us how to navigate and get through that. And so I I'm not sure if that's the only reason but that was definitely I think part of the reason why I was still supposed to be there. But we also had to learn a lot. Obviously, there was a unity that I think we gained through those years. And you know, I think at that time, we thought that I would come home when Owens business was making so much money we didn't need for me to gobs of money,

Owen Hemsath:

buy it out. Or just like here's some cash. And here's some cash. You know,

Theresa Hemsath:

that was kind of what we were thinking. But then 2017 came around. And I don't remember all the details. Maybe I can kind of fill in. But I was like, I think it's time for you to come home. And I was like, Are you sure? Because like, I think we might we were at a bottle that budget down. Yeah, we don't worry if I'm not working, I think we might actually have to like, cut cut our budget down like significant. Dan knows about this. Because

Owen Hemsath:

Dan and I have talked about this at great length. In fact, it was part of like encouraging me encouraging you to leave your job. And I just love the way God worked out your whole job thing, like his way worked with all that stuff. So it was easier. You know, I think it was easier to peel the band aid off and like, that's how much God loves you is in Why did you home is that he's made it so easy. For us, we recognize like we kind of capped out like we're able to make this much money with Oh, and

Theresa Hemsath:

just own doing it. Yeah,

Owen Hemsath:

but but I have skill sets that, you know, like just could not get us any farther. And and you know, it's so our bucket was full. And I was watching like clients clients were suffering because they weren't getting the fulfillment attention that they needed. And then that like decrease our referrals, which lowers our energy. And so our actually, our buckets are to empty, you know, and it's like, if you don't come home, this business is going to fold in on itself. And so we knew, like, if you're out there working with your spouse, and you're wondering, like when is it time for her to come home? Like it's not going to be a scenario where Yeah, where you're making so much money that it's easy. It's going to be in a place actually, where you're actually falling apart. And if you don't get help quick. Your business is going to fold and what your wife is going to do because she wants security she's going to go a while just keep words we have the health insurances, we have the thing that enough. You know, what I want to encourage you guys to do, those of you that are relating to that scenario is is to is to leave the job sooner than later. Right? Because it's almost like you're drowning. you're drowning in the pool and she goes, let me go run to the store and get you some lifesaving gear right Now you're alone drowning in the pool, you know where instead if she were to jump in, you both will struggle, right? Because you're drowning and you're pulling her under, and you're way too so heavy. But together, you're going to struggle for a minute to get to the side of the pool. And once you're at the side of the pool, everything's gonna be okay. Right. So she came on board, we did not have health insurance for a while. I mean, maybe we had some like, Cobra, right? And, and, but would you agree that it was stressful? Because we just didn't know.

Theresa Hemsath:

Or, but again, we had to do a lot of planning. And it was like, Okay, what do we, you know, we cut our budget down, we had like, okay, we're gonna live off of a lot less live, like, you're poor, right? For a while, until, until we can make up for what, for what we lost. And, and I would say it took about six months, six months of living on a real tight budget. And but by that point, after six months, what I had contributed to the business, um, we, the money came back, so we actually replaced my salary at that point, you know, it just took a little bit of a step back, it reminds me of when I was waiting tables. I don't know if anybody you know, if you guys ever waited tables, or any of your audience has, but you know, it's good fast cash, it's nice. And when one in your 20s, it's good. But even if you go to, I had friends that would go to college get a degree, but they, they didn't want to take the risk of leaving that fast, quick cash to go get a job making 15 bucks an hour on their bachelor's degree now, because at that time, 15 bucks an hour was going to cut it though, they were making better money waiting tables. But it's the ones who decided to leave waiting tables and take that sacrifice for that, that, that $15 an hour job. Five years later, two years later, three, you know, now they're making way more than they ever would have if they stayed waiting tables, because that waiting tables, it was good for them, but it's not going to get you to where you're going to go. Now sometimes you have to take a step back and make some sacrifices for you to actually launch to really

Owen Hemsath:

slow down levels of where you slow down to speed up. And our business never took a hit like we've grown. And so like maybe like our speed took a hit. But the business never took a hit. You know, the business continued to grow. So So there you know, it's it's all a balance, you know what I mean? Life is full of risk. And and I think like the biggest mistake that couples make is she'll come home or he'll come home, he'll stop working. I hear all the time, I want to retire my husband, I want to retire my husband. And and I think that's wonderful, right? Like, we're not these man should work well, you know, we're not those people, like, do what you got to do, you know? But you're, it's not going to be a most likely we're making so much money come on home, you know, bring the kids over. It's it's gonna be like, if you don't, if I don't get help, we're gonna we're gonna implode, you know, and so recognize when you're on that place and take the leap and you're gonna struggle like there's so much desire in American data never struggle, you know, where the struggle muscle grows only after it's broken. You know, a diamond forms only amidst you know, tons of pressure wine comes from grapes that have been crushed. You know, so, I'm a masochist. That's the right word. I see the pain and I want to jump into it. Yeah, let's jump into that pain and get through and come out stronger. And then you know, keep moving forward and hopefully avoid pain for a little bit before we have to jump into it again. But heard I heard a great line the other day from the Craig Groeschel podcast where the guest said you know, you'll never avoid pain that we spend so much time trying to avoid pain she's but when I accepted that pain was going to be sort of this off and on thing I would experience all through life it made dealing with the pain easier. And as a person who has gone through cancer and and as you never get done with cancer, like yeah, the cancer is gone. But you you got to go back for your scans on your you meet cancer friends, and then they die. You know, so you can't think never leaves you and, you know, that's helped me because all the scans scare the crap out of me. When people tell me their cancer has come back, it scares the crap out of me now for me, but for them, I don't want to lose another friend. You know, trying to avoid it only makes life dole You know, it makes life sort of stale. And you don't realize it for two years that you've spent all of your time avoiding pain and avoiding sorrow and and and your life is just it's sheltered and, and alone. Knowing that like, oh, Lord, give me the strength to pursue whatever it is you have for me today, knowing that on Sundays, it could be golden Rainbows, right? But on other days, it's going to be the death of a friend. And you just have to deal with it. You have to be the kind of person that has the resources to deal with it. And there's no better way to do that than with in a healthy thriving marriage with kids who can see your pain you know, like like my son He asked me the other day, because I'm going through my cancer scans right now and I hate it right? And I said, James, let's go to the let's go to the arcade and he goes, are you sad? And, and I said, Yeah, I'm sad, and I'm mad, and I hate this. And I, you know, I don't hide stuff from my kids. I don't speak to them. Like they're adults, but I don't hide stuff either. Um, and. And he was he's, he thought that he is he just he's an empath for sure not to like, let you know cuddled me, you know what I mean. And it was the thing that I needed at that at that moment, then we play pinball together for an hour. And then I got to watch him. fall in love with pinball. You know, pinball is old school guys. It's like the parlor Pac Man. It's old. And so I was kind of like, you know, I don't want to be like an old guy, but I love pinball. And, and I showed him pinball, and he fell in love with, it's just amazing, amazing time together. And so, you know, that's, that's the family that that I want everyone to be raising a family of influence a family of empathy and a family of impact.

Theresa Hemsath:

Yeah, and one of the things I think we're learning right now is, is to be present. And to appreciate the blessings that you have, in no matter what phase of your journey, whether you're in a trial or not in a trial, there's still things to be thankful for. And to not forget that because I think a lot of us and you know, myself included, have sometimes make, um, make idols, so to speak of the of the dances of our lives, and and when something changes, or is gone, or leaves all of a sudden, you know, we were not happy and all what's happening to my life, or who am I and we can get so pulled into the emotions of that, that we forget all the other good things that are around us. And so I think going back to what Elon was talking about, like knowing your identity, making sure that your identity is is can can is strong through any one of those circumstances that you might face, it's not dependent on any one of the rest. So that when you when you encounter any of them as you will, because that's how life is that you can, you can get through it faster, and that you can and you can be joyful, even in some of those darkest, darkest places, and happiest places, right, Sing

Owen Hemsath:

hallelujah. Yeah, you know, you know, like, it's a hard thing to do. It's our thing to be grateful through the storm. Absolutely. Wow. Well, I think that was like the perfect cap to everything we talked about today. You know, what, can

Amanda Norton:

you just sum up? What is the best part about working from home for you guys,

Theresa Hemsath:

I really like the unity that on my own, and I. And the reason I think for that is, you know, when I was teaching as much as I love teaching, at the end of the day, when I would come home, and I would talk about my teaching job and be like, well, who's that person again, and I told you that name of that person, oh, and we will this time, this person, I'm like, Who's that person again. And we just, you know, because we're living our two completely different lives. There was a disconnect that was happening, and we're both tired at the end of the day. And so it was hard to kind of like, listen to each other's stories and really, like really, like, be there for each other

Owen Hemsath:

so much time was explaining who's out again,

Theresa Hemsath:

yeah, and why and getting each other to really, like truly care the way that we want them to care because I care, right? But now that we work together, like every we're so united, we know who we're talking about, we have the same problems, you know,

Owen Hemsath:

she makes all the

Theresa Hemsath:

sales excitement, she makes high fiving each other when you know, new, get a new client, you know, it's exciting.

Owen Hemsath:

It's part of it as she makes all the sales, you know, what I used to make all the sales and so part of that unity, like I I'm serving the person you brought in, and we know who they are, and we tend to get more connected with them. You know, so I think it's a really great point is the Unity I think, for me, it's it's the giant middle finger to the rest of the world system. That's gonna go to college and get a good job. I went to college, by the way, you know, I graduated third in my class, you know, and I'm here to tell you like, I'm glad I went to college, I don't think everyone needs to go to college. You know, I I really love being the outlier. I love that we have disobeyed and broken every rule of polite society, and we have made a phenomenal impact. And we've made an income that is good, like, you know, like, there's people that make more money than us with their jobs, their nine to five jobs. Even non college degrees, you know, I think that there's some plumbers that probably make more and more money than collar. Yeah. There's some college degree people that are making and there's YouTubers that make more money than we do like that. I don't care so much as we were able to do it. You know, I love that, that we were able to, you know, raise a family on solid Christian principles, even though the world is saying that that's how you create bigots and racists and yet, yet none of that has come true. You know, it is the opposite. In fact, I find more hate coming from the secular families than I do from the church families. So I love That we disproved every single stereotype that has been forced on us, in order to turn us into cattle. You know, I love that, that we can say, Nope, you know, and even if we were broke, I would still I don't want to be a part of your system, I don't want to be a part of that system. You know what I mean? And I love that we, that we can do even now. Like, we're kind of going into like a vegan thing right now. And we may be vegans forever, we might be vegans for three weeks. But all I know is that like, the beef and dairy people, like have these massive marketing campaigns that spin the truth and spin the studies. And and I just love, okay, let's, let's try this and see if that makes us feel healthier. You know what I mean? Like, you know, stereotypes so that I can smash it. I love that idea of unity and controlling your life making these decisions for your family and to lead. where can our listeners find you? What are the things you want to you want people to know, you've got your Tick Tock videos, you've got your Instagram, you've got a lot of go to my family video on Instagram. That's our brand new channel. So it's still very small, but we're uploading funny family skits. And I try to post funny comedic content there. And it's all family friendly. So even some of the humor is a little lowbrow. Like it's, it's some it's it's like, I consider myself a sophisticated college degree guy. But we make a lot of butt jokes. Or it's no like, that's what kids laugh at. But we're on Tick Tock at Oh, in video, and it's the same, it's the same basic content. Our Tick Tock is huge. It's blowing up right now. But you know, our goal is to create family friendly content that disciples a nation, and it's not religious, there's no religious messages in there or anything like that. But, you know, one of our videos has almost 10 million views and 2000 duets on it. And every single duet is done by a, I would say every, mostly Well, they're all kids, mostly minority kids. And there has, we have not seen a single parent in any duet. So we know that there are a lot of kids out there watching our content. And we are very passionate about making sure that that content that they get is uplifting and and not agenda driven. We want those kids to have a safe space in us for whatever it's worth, you know what I mean? And and again, like our messages, and our goal is not to convert them or, or to do anything like that. It's just that when they're watching our stuff, they're not getting profanity, they're not getting agenda, they're getting, you know, good, clean laughs that show that families can stick together. And we want them whether they get that in their families or not, because their parents can be totally active and just taking their break. You know, I don't want to judge their parents but if they're if those kids are in a place where they're like, you know, are handed them the phone, and then you know and never like we we want to be, you know, an example to them, you know what's possible for them. And so you know, anywhere on the web at Oh, and video, our family stuff is on Instagram at my family video. And we also have a marriage channel on YouTube at thriving, sexy marriage. And we do more coaching and sort of teaching on there, but we're everywhere, pal. Well, I hope you enjoyed Episode 10 of working home parents. Yes, Episode 10. It's one of those milestone episodes and so glad to be able to have Theresa and Owen video on episode 10. If you enjoyed it and you want to see any of the links, or show notes, you can go to working home parents.com slash 10. To find all of that there you'll be able to get transcription if you need at working home parents.com slash 10. And hey, just a reminder, if you haven't already, remember to subscribe to the podcast on what ever podcast listening app you enjoy the most. If you like this, leave us an honest review on Apple podcasts. We would love to hear from you and what you think about the podcast so far, and we look forward to talking to you in our next episode.

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